Friday, September 6, 2013

Pitch Madness SJ-5: PIECES OF ONE

Genre:  New Adult Suspense

Word Count:  85,000

Pitch: College student Trista Dividir has no idea she’s involved with two men and is an unwilling informant for the DEA – but Marvy, one of her multiple personalities, does.

Excerpt: 
Stealing the money - easy, since it’s never hidden very well. Getting out of the house, also easy - as any experienced liar would know. Making the long drive again – she dripped with thick, delicious eagerness. 

Marvy finger-tipped the volume up when one of her favorite songs came on, spilling the tune through the car’s speakers, vibrating the windows. Sinking back into the velour seat, a rush of excitement flooded her; it swirled around her like warm silk. Her heart pumped, rushing the sensation through her in anticipation of the night. Although not dry, she sicked her lips and held the tip of her tongue with her teeth before slipping it into her mouth. The taste of apple red lipstick fueled her pleasure. Her eyes lowered seductively and her left eyebrow arched up. A closed, smirky smile slowly crossed her lips, and then curved one side up. She pressed her thighs together basking in the deep, pulsing sensation between them. 

A handsome, yet acne inflicted boy, opened the car door when Marvy pulled up to the club’s valet. Her dress, being too tight and short, made her turn sideways, but she spread her legs slightly more than necessary to exit the car just the same. The clattering of her car keys hitting the cement made her smile. She purposely released them an inch from the valet boy’s fingers. A ripple of unscrupulous delight went through her; the manipulation caused him to have a closer look at her. 

10 comments:

  1. This sounds really, really cool. Hope you do Pitmad! This should get tons of love! :)

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    Replies
    1. Thanks Rachel for the confidence booster! Funny, my writing is the only thing "shy" about me!

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  2. Love the concept of this one, and the writing is seriously compelling! There were a couple minor errors that may have held agents off though: sicked instead of sucked, inflicted instead of afflicted. I think with a little more polish, you'll rake in the attention. Best of luck!

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    Replies
    1. Ooohhh Kimberly, I missed those! Dang! Well if we're not learning from each revision, then we might as well be dead, right? I'm sure even Tolstoy thought about more revisions.

      Thank you for the well wishes! :)

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  3. Agree w/ the above comments. I've ALWAYS loved the psychological horror of multiple personalities. Very intriguing. And your sensory details are terrific!!

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    1. Hi Pasha! I'm thrilled you like it. I love sharing a good story. Throw in some twists, a little sexy time & some good old fashioned narrowed eyed "Hmmm..." = Pieces of One.

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  4. This pitch made me squee out loud and do Jazz hands. I loved how it pushed the diversity boundaries to include this mental health issues as well. So bummed it didn't get picked up. BUt I still love the concept.

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  5. I noticed the typos too, but the voice is compelling. As is the premise. Looks like all you need is a little polish! Good luck.

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