Genre:
MG Contemporary Fantasy
Word Count: 40,000
Pitch: Lucretia accidentally traps 5-year-old new
stepbrother, Danger, in a comic. She enters its pages to save him. But it’s an
impossible task when he’s in charge of the story and won’t follow any writing
rules
Excerpt:
I glared at my
reflection in the hotel mirror. Pepto-Bismol pink glared back at me as I tugged
one of the many ruffles strangling my gown. “It looks like a cupcake vomited on
me.”
Grandma Rosa stood
next to the mirror. At the same time, she chuckled and stared at me sternly. An
impressive feat. She responded in her faint Italian accent, “It’s not so
terrible.”
I scowled. “Does
she think I’m the same age as Danger?” In a few short hours, Danger would be my
stepbrother. I didn’t know whether it would be worse to be stuck with him or
his plastic mother for the rest of my life. “I’m thirteen—not five.”
She sighed. “Your
father sure knows how to pick ‘em.” Grandmother pursed her lips, realizing her
comment not only bashed Erin, soon-to-be Stepzilla, but also my real mother.
“What I mean is—”
“Don’t worry
about it, Grandma Rosa.” I ignored the dropping-an-anchor down-my-stomach
sensation that always followed the mention of my real mother and forced a fake
smile. “If this is what she thinks her junior bridesmaid should look like, I
can’t wait to see her gown.” My usual clothes were black like Grandma’s
though mine were younger and less shapeless. Her mourning look was pretty
obvious. “What do you think she’ll say when she sees your dress?”
We didn’t have to wait
long to find out. Erin, her head a mountain of curling iron curls peeked into
the room—without having the courtesy to knock.
This sounds great! I'll put $100 down on this (Query and 1st 100 pages).
ReplyDeleteThanks!
Pete Knapp
$20 :)
ReplyDelete$100 toward a mirror, an intact cupcake, and a new dress for Lucretia, please.
ReplyDeleteThank you.
--The Iron
Advance to full FTW.
ReplyDeletePete
So not surprised to see multiple bids on this one! The concept is AMAZING and the writing is dripping with voice and other types of fabulousness. Brilliantly done!
ReplyDeleteThank you, Kimberly!
DeleteI love looking for stories that my 8yo son and I would read together, and this one we would. My family are huge comic book fans, so there's a great plus there in the concept for me. But what really sold me was the fact that it was a unisex story. The MC is a girl, but it's a storyline my son would love.
ReplyDelete“It looks like a cupcake vomited on me.” - That really cemented it for me that I wanted this. And I wasn't the only one. It was on two other teams' lists. So my son gets an acknowledgement as well when this one is published :P
SM Johnston, that's wonderful to hear. Yes, you and your son go in my (hopefully) future acknowledgements! I hope the fact that Lucretia is biracial means that even more children can relate to her.
ReplyDeleteI just put up a post about this experience, along with a few other things going on in my life:
http://theresamilstein.blogspot.com/2013/09/fortuneate.html
Congratulations, Theresa! I very much enjoyed reading this excerpt. I love the spunky adolescent wit, 'like a cupcake vomited on me'. The sensation that remains with me is the tension between the three generations of women, the grandmother, the bride and 13 yr-old Lucretia. The imagery will also stay with me, 'dropping-an-anchor down-my-stomach'. All in all, you made a deep impression on me with just a short piece.
ReplyDeleteWarmest Wishes,
Mary
Mary, thank you so much for the nice words. Now I'm waiting and hoping.
DeleteA darling concept! Congrats on so many requests!
ReplyDeletePasha, thank you!
ReplyDelete