Friday, September 6, 2013

Pitch Madness SJ-14: SAVING DANGER

Genre:  MG Contemporary Fantasy

Word Count:  40,000

Pitch: Lucretia accidentally traps 5-year-old new stepbrother, Danger, in a comic. She enters its pages to save him. But it’s an impossible task when he’s in charge of the story and won’t follow any writing rules

I glared at my reflection in the hotel mirror. Pepto-Bismol pink glared back at me as I tugged one of the many ruffles strangling my gown. “It looks like a cupcake vomited on me.”
Grandma Rosa stood next to the mirror. At the same time, she chuckled and stared at me sternly. An impressive feat. She responded in her faint Italian accent, “It’s not so terrible.”        
I scowled. “Does she think I’m the same age as Danger?” In a few short hours, Danger would be my stepbrother. I didn’t know whether it would be worse to be stuck with him or his plastic mother for the rest of my life. “I’m thirteen—not five.”
She sighed. “Your father sure knows how to pick ‘em.” Grandmother pursed her lips, realizing her comment not only bashed Erin, soon-to-be Stepzilla, but also my real mother. “What I mean is—”
“Don’t worry about it, Grandma Rosa.” I ignored the dropping-an-anchor down-my-stomach sensation that always followed the mention of my real mother and forced a fake smile. “If this is what she thinks her junior bridesmaid should look like, I can’t wait to see her gown.” My usual clothes were black like Grandma’s though mine were younger and less shapeless. Her mourning look was pretty obvious. “What do you think she’ll say when she sees your dress?”
We didn’t have to wait long to find out. Erin, her head a mountain of curling iron curls peeked into the room—without having the courtesy to knock.


  1. This sounds great! I'll put $100 down on this (Query and 1st 100 pages).

    Pete Knapp

  2. $100 toward a mirror, an intact cupcake, and a new dress for Lucretia, please.

    Thank you.

    --The Iron

  3. Advance to full FTW.


  4. So not surprised to see multiple bids on this one! The concept is AMAZING and the writing is dripping with voice and other types of fabulousness. Brilliantly done!

  5. I love looking for stories that my 8yo son and I would read together, and this one we would. My family are huge comic book fans, so there's a great plus there in the concept for me. But what really sold me was the fact that it was a unisex story. The MC is a girl, but it's a storyline my son would love.

    “It looks like a cupcake vomited on me.” - That really cemented it for me that I wanted this. And I wasn't the only one. It was on two other teams' lists. So my son gets an acknowledgement as well when this one is published :P

  6. SM Johnston, that's wonderful to hear. Yes, you and your son go in my (hopefully) future acknowledgements! I hope the fact that Lucretia is biracial means that even more children can relate to her.

    I just put up a post about this experience, along with a few other things going on in my life:

  7. Congratulations, Theresa! I very much enjoyed reading this excerpt. I love the spunky adolescent wit, 'like a cupcake vomited on me'. The sensation that remains with me is the tension between the three generations of women, the grandmother, the bride and 13 yr-old Lucretia. The imagery will also stay with me, 'dropping-an-anchor down-my-stomach'. All in all, you made a deep impression on me with just a short piece.

    Warmest Wishes,


    1. Mary, thank you so much for the nice words. Now I'm waiting and hoping.

  8. A darling concept! Congrats on so many requests!