Monday, February 7, 2011

My "It was a Dark and Stormy Blogfest Contest" entry

The wonderful Brenda Blake is holding a first line contest where writer's post their first lines in their blog and people critique them. Once the critiquing is done we post them back on her blog: http://brenleedrake.blogspot.com/2011/01/blogfest-contest-with-prizes-from-agent.html

Here's my entry for my novel Mishca, let me know your thoughts in the comments section by 9th February. Mishca was voted a 'Top Pick' on the YA writer's site Inkpop, like the Carrier of the Mark - the first book to be published off the site.

Name: Sharon Johnston
Title: Mishca
Genre: YA Speculative Fiction

I always knew that I was adopted; it was pretty obvious. 

The prize is a critique on part of a manuscript and query letter with fabulous agent, Weronika Janczuk, so fingers crossed.

So, hit me with your thoughts below.

If you are a participant in the contest as well, please leave a link to your blog in the comment so I can check yours out too.

23 comments:

  1. I love the "it was pretty obvious" part because it makes us wonder why it was obvious? This opening line is simple, but it draws us in nicely.

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  2. I agree, I like it because it effortlessly compels me to read on.

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  3. It's good because it makes you wonder what's going on to make her think that. It automatically makes me think and ask questions.

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  4. Great first line. Makes me want to know HOW she knows this and why it's obvious.

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  5. Great line. It makes me want to read on.

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  7. I like it, we don't know her yet, but that line gives us a taste of her attitude.

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  8. Good first line. I stopped by for the blogfest and am a new follower.
    bethfred.com

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  9. Short, simple, to-the-point. I like it. It makes me wonder why it's so obvious and curious to keep reading. It could be reworded slightly, perhaps. "I've always known that I was adopted." But that's more a preference thing than anything else.

    Link to mine!

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  10. You know I love this, as I'm a big fan of Mishca. I think it's short, sweet, and gives us a little sneak peek of Mishca's personality. Bravo! I've decided to enter the contest as well, although, my first line is terribly short. I'd love to hear your thoughts.
    http://authoramymachelle.blogspot.com/2011/02/it-was-dark-and-stormy-blogfest-contest.html

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  11. I like it. It sets the tone and voice for the book, and give compelling information at the same time.
    (I'd possibly nix the word 'that' but it reads just fine with it there :) )

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  12. Thanks so much for all the comments. I've check out all enteries where I could find you and am now making my way through the list - backwards =P

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  13. I like it, too. It's so simple, there's not much you can do wrong with it, so don't change a thing. (Except the word "that," I've always disliked that word.)

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  14. This will certainly capture the interest of teens, and anyone who's experienced feeling like they don't fit in their family. Concise, clear voice. It would be nice if you could include a little of the character's feeling about this in the sentence to set the tone more strongly, but it works as is. Nice job!

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  15. Great hook and voice. It makes me wonder right away if she knew this, why it's being brought up. But not in a bad 'explain it now' kind of way, but in a fantastic 'I want to keep reading to find out' kind of way.

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  16. Hi! I really like your first sentence. The only critique I have is to take out the word "that." It's an unneeded word; the sentence will read the exact same without it. I'm an English major, and I once had a professor who had previously been an editor. She told me the word "that" is an unneeded word that is "often overused." Other than that one small thing, I think your first sentence is fantastic. It makes me wonder about the MC's background, and it also gives just a glimpse of attitude with the "it was pretty obvious" part. I really like it. Good luck in the contest!

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  17. My only comment would be to take out "that", as some others have said. If you've ever followed Janet Reid's Query Shark, it's a huge pet peeve of hers when people include unnecessary thats, and I'm sure most agents probably agree.

    Otherwise it's great!

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  18. Great opening line! It shows us something intimate, but leaves us wanting to know WHY it was obvious. I agree with removing the "that", but that's my only suggestion. :-D

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  19. Yep, I agree about 'that' - not necessary. I definitely want to know what is so obvious, so I would totally read on!

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  20. Such a great first line, because it's the start of a conversation rather than the first sentance in a text book.

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  21. I was very encouraged to find this site. The reason being that this is such an informative post. I wanted to thank you for this informative analysis of the subject. I definitely savored every little bit of it and I have you bookmarked to check out new stuff you post.

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  22. That's a great first line! It's concise, and it sets the stage for all sorts of conflict. Definitely makes me want to read on.

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